Let me ask you a question. When you were a kid did you ever go fishing? If you did, I’ll bet that you remember the experience. I know I remember fishing as a kid. I remember going to my dad’s as a kid and fishing. There was a river near his house and I used to ride my bike down to the river. One time I dropped my line in and I had a huge fish on the line (I’d never caught a big fish). My heart started racing and I couldn’t wait to see how big it was. I was able to reel him near the surface and saw a trout bigger than any I’d ever seen. Now my heart was really racing, I couldn’t wait to bring him in. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a net and when I tried to bring him to shore, the line broke and I lost him. Even though I didn’t catch this fish, the memory is still with me. I remember a time fishing for salmon as a kid out on a charter boat and limiting out.

When I became an adult, I mostly forgot about fishing until Monica was about 2 years old. We bought her a fishing pole and went fishing. I’ll never forget the excitement “Daddy, I got one! I got a fishy!” Fishing became something we did together. We discovered Fish Lake and it quickly became our favorite place to fish. Monica always caught more fish than anyone else. Here’s a picture of some of the fish she caught one day. There were so many fish she could barely pick them up!

There were many other times when we went fishing together. One time we camped at the North Cascades. We decided to go fishing at the base of a dam. It was one of those perfect days. The water was so clear that I could see the trout. This is one of my favorite pictures of that day. She was so happy and content fishing with Daddy.

There was another night when we went fishing on my boat and caught a salmon. We’d decided to camp on the boat and were hungry. We drove to a little store and bought some butter, lemon, and a little barbecue. We barbecued the salmon on the dock while we watched the full moon. The salmon was delicious and the time we spent together is indelibly etched into both of our brains.

Isn’t it interesting that I can remember the extraordinary detail about that big trout that got away 35 years ago? My memories of fishing with Monica are poignant, etched into my heart and memory forever.

Last Saturday we went to Fish Lake with my kids and some friends. The weather forecast was raining and thundershowers and everyone swore we were crazy (especially our wives who stayed home). When we got to Fish Lake, we thought we were crazy too. We launched the boat in the drizzling rain with 4 kids packed in. We dropped our lines and immediately Chloe caught her first trout! Then Noelle caught her first trout. Then Conner and finally Nathan got their first trout. They were so excited! We probably caught a dozen fish in 2 hours and it didn’t rain a drop!

I wonder why fishing memories are so poignant? Is it because when we are fishing we are absorbed in the moment? Is it because many times we are spending time with those we love the most? Is it because we are in nature enjoying God’s creation? I honestly don’t know and I’m not sure I’ll ever know.

Here’s what I do know. As a dad, I am very busy with work, my house, and taking care of all of my kids. I’m overwhelmed with the projects that I haven’t finished (the yard needs mowed, the truck is broken, the toilet isn’t working, the deck needs to be stained….and on and on and on it goes). Taking the kids fishing just takes away from my limited time to do all of the work that needs to be done.

I’m glad I made the decision to take my kids fishing and so are they.

What about you? Do you remember fishing as a kid? When was the last time you took your kids fishing? I want to challenge you to forget about everything you have to do for a day and take your little boy and/or little girl fishing. You won’t regret it!

Monica’s out of school on Spring Break this week so we thought we’d spend some time together as a family. We had a lot of fun together…staying at the show and tell. That’s what Nathan called the hotel, “The Show and Tell”. Unfortunately, Amanda and Monica don’t have the same spring break, so we had to sneak in an overnighter together. It seems like it has been forever since we have gone away as a family, but I’m glad we did. We found a hotel in Bellingham and took off Sunday after church. We stopped at IHOP for breakfast (I passed on the Waffles and Chicken special). We got the older girls a room of their own and Debbie and I stayed with the younger ones in our room. The hotel had an indoor swimming pool and a hot tub. We were there for about 10 minutes when the younger ones got their bathing suits on and went down to the pool. They had been counting the days since we told them we’d be going last Thursday. They were so excited that they packed their own suitcases the night before (Noelle is so sweet, she packed Nathan’s suitcase and her own…pretty responsible for 5 years old).

We couldn’t have planned it better. The swimming pool had a 2 foot wading pool attached to it. Nathan and Noelle were in it immediately. What is it about little kids and the pool? Noelle loves to swim with me. She stands on the edge of the pool and tells me to go out “farther, daddy, farther”. I wish I’d gotten a picture-she flies straight out to me and I catch her as she lands in the water. Of course Nathan has to do exactly what his sister does, so he, too, jumps to daddy. This time I let him jump to me and he decided he was going to go in all the way, so I let him.

If you’re reading this you’re probably thinking “wow, kinda like watching somebody else’s home movies…pretty exciting…for them!” You’re right; writing about my family spending time together is very exciting for me. I’m certain that I’ll forget about Nathan calling the hotel a “show and tell” in a few months, but in a few years when I read this blog it will bring it all back to me. Who knows, maybe Nathan will read daddy’s blog when he has a son of his own.

Amanda and Monica used to love to swim just like the little ones do now. We used to go to hotels and spend the night together just to go swimming. This time, they were more interested in the hot tub than the pool, but Amanda did join us for a while when we were swimming.

We went out to dinner at “Kyoto” a Japanese Hibachi restaurant. It was a lot of fun. They have a big grill that you sit around and you watch them cook your dinner. Monica decided she wanted to try sushi, so I let her. She ordered California rolls and she loved them (now I know what I’ll be ordering next time we go out on a date night)! Dinner was great and the entertainment was awesome. Nathan and Noelle were enthralled watching him cook right in front of us.

We went back to the hotel and put the little ones to bed. Amanda and Monica took a sauna together, then went to their room and engorged themselves on junk food. The next morning Debbie and I took the little ones out to breakfast at McDonalds and watched them play as we reflected on our time together. Why is it so hard to do something so simple? Families love to spend time together, and we’ve found that we do best when we pack up and spend the night somewhere else. Why don’t we do it more often, we thought? What would be the optimum frequency to go away together as a family for a night or two? Is there a way that we can “hard wire” our time away? Perhaps we could get a timeshare condo with fixed time away? We’re not sure exactly what our plan is, but we think we’d like to go away once every three to four months together as a family.

It was pouring down rain on our drive home. We stopped at the outlet mall and Debbie and the older girls went shopping while Nathan napped and Noelle and I hung out together in the van. Noelle was particularly sad. The tears flowed down her cheeks on the ride home. She loved our time together so much she just didn’t want it to end. This time together as a family really bonds us all together, especially when we are away from home.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on different ways you bond as a family-let me know!

“Honor thy father and thy mother: that the days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” (Exodus 20:12)

In my last Blog, I shared about how we honored my mom for the holidays. Now I’d like to share how we are trying to honor my dad. Dad lives in Eastern Washington, about a 6 hour drive from us. Dad and mom divorced when I was three years old. I lived with mom after that. There were 5 of us kids (I’m the youngest), so you can imagine the challenges of visitation. I visited dad on breaks and during the summer, and we had an ok relationship as I grew up. I didn’t realize, however, that I was always seeking my dad’s approval until I was a senior in High School. I was class speaker and nearly had a 4.0 GPA with the exception of one B that I got in P.E.! I was pretty driven to succeed and I believed this success would fill the void that was left when mom and dad divorced. Of course, it didn’t. As I became an adult, I got angrier and angrier with my dad. I told myself it was his fault that I had problems with relationships, his fault I was hurting inside (of course it wasn’t, but it was easier to blame him than look at myself). When I’d visit him, my anger would come out and I’d become very cruel in my words…he had hurt me, so I would hurt him more.

But dad didn’t give up. He kept loving me and welcoming me. When I was 31 years old, my world came crashing down. I separated from my wife and now I had no choice but to look inward for the source of my problems vs. outward. I decided I wanted to have a counseling session with my dad. When I called him up, he agreed to it, so he came to Seattle for a counseling session. My counselor asked me to listen while dad told his side of the story. He shared how hard it was for him to divorce, how hard it was for him to not see his kids. He shared his regrets. Then he did something that would change my life and the lives of my kids and their kids. Dad asked for forgiveness. I broke down in tears as I accepted his forgiveness. Before that day, I was an extraordinarily driven man. If you’ve ever seen a pressure cooker with the water boiling inside and the spout on the top whistling from the pressure…this was me. When my dad asked for forgiveness, it was like the lid to the pressure cooker was taken off and the pressure that had built up inside of me was relieved after 31 years. That day was one of the best days of my life.

About 5 years ago, my step-mom asked me to come to Eastern Washington and see how my dad lived. I went over for Memorial Day weekend and we spent the time together. He has a small house and a fire pit in the back yard. We enjoyed talking and watching the fire well into the warm evenings in Eastern Washington. I told dad I’d be back with my family that summer. We came back as a family and camped in Dad’s backyard. We went swimming in Lake Roosevelt where I swam as a kid. We went and got ice cream at the drive inn that I went to as a kid. We went boating and bike riding….just like when I did as a kid.

Debbie and I decided that weekend that we were going to be more intentional about honoring our parents. We decided at a minimum we’d visit dad twice a year and when we visited him we would honor him in every way we knew how. We’ve done that, and I’ll share more about it in a future blog.

In closing, I want to share how lucky I believe I am to have a father that pursued me…even in my anger. The experiences in my life have created me to be the man I am today and I hold no resentment or regrets. I have the utmost respect for my dad, and am certain his decisions have significantly contributed to me and my family being emotionally healthy. Furthermore, I believe these decisions will result in stopping the generational curses with my kids.

Here’s my question to you. Do you have any unresolved issues with your father? If so, I want to challenge you to work them out. I guarantee you won’t regret it!

“Honor thy father and thy mother: that the days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” (Exodus 20:12)

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. I have lots of thoughts about what to blog about, but I haven’t made the time to blog. The last month has been a month of honoring our parents, and Debbie and I have made this a priority in our lives and are very blessed that both of our parents are alive and healthy.

My mom lives down the road from us and we have her up for dinner three or four times a week. Our younger kids love to have her over and really enjoy going to Grandma’s house. I believe that my mom’s ability to live so close and be with us and the grandkids during the week is one of the greatest joys in her life….and interestingly enough, it is something our kids love as well.

Mom started a tradition about 20 years ago where she would cook a big meal for us on Christmas. We didn’t have much money growing up, but on Christmas she would buy a Prime Rib and cook it. She makes these rolls that are my favorite….she cooks them in a large tuna fish can! She makes salads, pies, potatoes…a Christmas feast. We lost our brother about 20 years ago in a car wreck. Ever since then, mom honors him by bringing out a 6 pack of Miller, his favorite beer.

This year, the baton was passed to my two older sisters. It was amazing. They cooked a feast for the family and all the details were remembered-multi-colored fruit salad, prime rib, rolls….even the 6 pack of beer.

I watched mom smiling ear to ear during the day as she watched her daughters carry on a tradition that she had started years ago. Mom truly felt honored that day and everyone in the family felt pretty close to one another.

Sometimes I take for granted that she lives down the street and I get to see her a number of times during the week. I forget that I didn’t have much of a relationship with her parents, and never met my grandpa on my dad’s side and only met his mom a few times. It’s different for my kids, and I’m hoping that when they have kids of their own they, too, will live close to us and we, too will enjoy a relationship with our grandkids.

I’ve learned a lot about the power of memories over the past few months.  I love taking pictures and videos of my family, and have always done so.  I also love looking at old family pictures and videos.  There is something about looking at a picture that takes you right back to the time when the photo was taken.  This Thanksgiving, my dad came over and we spent a bunch of time scanning old pictures of him and the family into the computer.  He sat by me, we listened to the Carpenters, and he chatted with me about what was happening when the pictures were taken.  I learned a lot about dad, about my childhood, and about what really matters…..family, relationships, and memories.  We watched old home movies (you know the kind that are on a movie reel that you run through a movie projector?) and he shared about those times.  I was too young in the movies to remember anything, but once again, I learned a lot about my childhood and my family of origin.

Christmas came and I, of course, gave gifts with pictures….mugs with the kids for the grandparents, a Christmas ornament with a picture of the kids for my wife, and Christmas calendars with pictures of the kids to the grandparents.  My wife reminded me that this is what I do every Christmas…I give memories as gifts.

This year, I asked myself “Why do I spend so much time and effort to create memories with photos?”.  It occurred to me…because I value family, memories, and relationships! 

So, why start blogging?  My main rationale for creating a blog is to create an ongoing, easily accessible log of “memories”.  Memories of events that impacted me enough to write a blog, memories of learnings I’ve had, memories of significant events in my life or my kids’ lives.  Blogging-a way to immortalize memories with the added benefit of making the memories “sticky” for me (the writing solidifies them) with the ability to share with anyone that cares to read!

So, here goes.  http://stoddsblog.com is now live. 

My final comment and challenge.  In 2004 I made a decision to video tape memories of the year with my wife and kids at the end of each year.  I haven’t done it every year, but I did watch the memories of 2004 on Christmas with my wife and Monica.  WOW.  What a powerful experience to watch memories from 6 years ago.  The kids were so young, we were so young, but the memories quickly came back as we held back the tears.

Will you join me this year and every year in videotaping your kids sharing their favorite memories of the year?