All posts by Damon Stoddard

Pain Drives Change

I Have Cancer-Part 2

5/31/2019

The Peace of God That Transcends All Understanding

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

In my first book, Pain Drives Change, I share how God used the pain of separation and ultimately divorce to change me from the inside out into the man I am today. I talk briefly about the men in my life who carried me in a season when I felt all alone. I will be forever grateful to Bob and Steve for serving me with a selfless love and teaching me how to be a man of God.

That was 20 years ago. Steve, Bob were the only men in my life. But Bob introduce me to some great men. Through these men I met other great men and before I knew it I looked around and realized I was surrounded by dozens of incredible men. Men who would (and have) dropped everything to support and encourage me.

It’s been less than 72 hours since I was diagnosed with cancer and already I’m overwhelmed with the love and support I’ve received from these men.

Scott dropped everything and listened as I almost inaudibly said “I have cancer”. I could feel his tears on the other end of the phone and when he said he would do anything to support and encourage me, I knew he meant it. And I knew his prayers would be earnest and continuous.

Dave responded immediately as well. As a man of great faith he reminded me that God is the great healer and that he had personally experienced healing in hundreds of people. I left the call feeling great hope in my future.

Chuck answered in disbelief, but then quickly went into fervent prayer with me on the phone. Soon after his wife offered to take care of our children at anytime if we should need it. I’ve received a number of texts from Chuck over the last few days, always reminding me that he is praying for me and has assembled an army with his mom to pray for me as well.

Don was fishing and out of cell range (fishing for Halibut in Alaska!) but when he saw my text he immediately responded. He promised to pray for me and I know he will. He prayed for healing over my wife during her 2nd bout of cancer and I’m certain God interceded to free her of cancer through his prayers.

Bob called me back almost immediately. I could hear the pain in his voice when I whimpered out those words “I have cancer”. He asked if I wanted to have lunch, much like he did 20 years ago when I shared I was separated from my wife. He reminded me that his phone was on 24 hours a day and I could call if I needed anything. I know from experience these were more than words, he genuinely meant it.

My boss, Sean, responded to my text when I told him I was going to be late for a meeting. He encouraged me to take the day off. His support continues to overwhelm me, reminding me that he and Microsoft will do everything possible to help me through this. I know he means it because he did everything possible including giving me a month off to care for my wife last year during her recovery from cancer. He reminded me again today, “Whatever you need you’ve got”.

Greg answered and was overwhelmed with joy to hear from me. When I shared I had cancer his tone shifted to genuine love and concern. He immediately went into prayer with me on the phone and prayed a very powerful prayer for me, a prayer to save my life so I can continue to build my family and expand His kingdom. Greg encouraged me to take the day off and process everything, and I took his advice. I thanked him for his wisdom and guidance in my life-to write my book and become a coach.

Fred was overwhelmed with disbelief and grief. I could feel his love and compassion as we talked on the phone. Fred asked if he could assemble a group of people to lay hands on me and pray over me at church, a gesture that touched me deeply. He texted me later in the day and shared that he could barely focus on work but that he was praying fervently on my behalf. When I arrived for my PET scan he was sitting there waiting for me. He reminded me that I wasn’t alone, hugged me and grabbed my hand as he prayed over me openly in the lobby!

The men I coach in Change YOUniversity responded immediately in prayer and encouragement. My co-workers have offered to help in anyway possible, one of them even said he’d bring me whatever food I wanted if I felt trapped at home!

Steve, always the engineer, picked up the phone and was pleasantly surprised to hear from me. After a few minutes of catching up I shared that I have cancer. Steve quickly shared his grief and then quickly jumped into engineer mode, reminding me that cancer is very treatable today and that the science of understanding cancer and how to treat it has improved dramatically. He then reminded me of how big God is and that He can cure this cancer. He then did as Steve often does. He told me how proud he was of me and reminded me of how much it means to him that I’d call and share. He said he couldn’t do much, but he would pray. I remember Steve’s prayers, they were always powerful and after he prayed there always seemed to be a breakthrough. He is the righteous man from the book of James, ‘the prayer of a righteous man availeth much”. I invited Steve to join us on Sunday when many people would be laying hands on me. He said “you never know, I might just be out for a drive and show up.”

To say that I’m blessed with people who love me and care deeply for me and my family is an understatement. As of this writing I’ve only shared this news with a few people, and I’m overwhelmed with their love and support. I hope to blog openly through this journey and I’m certain that when I share more broadly I’ll be reminded of how many people God has put in my path and blessed me with.

As I am writing this I’m preparing to reach out to Joe. Joe was my pastor and prayed over me at the altar at Cedar Park Church as the Holy spirit transformed me into the man I’ve become. It’s been almost 20 years, but I can still hear Joe’s words that he always closed services with, the same words that describe how I’m feeling as I write this.

“and may the peace of God that transcends all understanding guard your hearts and minds forevermore”.

Joe answered the phone and shared how good it was to hear from me. He congratulated me on my recent coaching certificate and asked how I was doing. I thanked him for how he always closed services and told him those words from Philippians were bringing me enormous peace. I shared that I couldn’t explain it, but I was experiencing the peace of God that transcends all understanding. Then he prayed. WOW. I’d forgotten how powerful Joe’s prayers were, but I could feel the Holy Spirit surround me and bring me peace as he prayed. He prayed that I would find rest in green fields. Interesting, I’ve found enormous peace sitting on my deck in front of the fire and looking at my “green field”, my backyard.

I heard back from Boyd today. We had a great talk as we haven’t chatted for a few months. When I shared that I have cancer he was shocked. He’s walked through many trials with me and he reminded me that the trials just keep coming at me. He also reminded me that my ability to find peace in the trials has always impressed him. Then he prayed and declared Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace those whose eyes are fixed on you”.

I received the news Tuesday that I had cancer. I waited a week for the results of the biopsy and every day of the week before I heard the news I felt my anxiety increasing. My anxiety continued increasing for a few minutes after I heard the news. I have cancer. It’s in my lymph node. Will I die? What will my kids do without a dad? Will my wife be ok? How will my older children handle the news? How severe is the cancer? When will I know?

Uncertainty leads to anxiety

As simple as it sounds, anxiety stems from uncertainty. In life, there isn’t anything you’ll face that produces more uncertainty than the news of cancer. The uncertainty about whether or not you will live or die and the impact on your family produces a level of anxiety that is difficult to explain.

I’m sure you are asking the question, why are you writing a chapter called the peace of God that transcends all understanding if just 3 days ago you were overwhelmed with fear? That’s a great question.

A question for which I don’t have an easy answer. Why do I have so much peace when I have cancer? A cancer that could easily take my life if it has spread beyond this lymph node. A cancer that was discovered because I felt a lump on my neck. Why was I feeling my neck about 6 weeks ago and why did you allow me to feel a lump that I hadn’t noticed before? Why did the doctor say he wasn’t concerned but I told him that I was concerned because I’d seen cancer so many times? Why did the same doctor prescribe me Vitamin C but didn’t request a follow-up appointment? Why did I press him and say I wanted a follow-up appointment, and then I scheduled it a week later? Why did he say he still wasn’t concerned after I came back and the lump hadn’t changed size? Why did he choose, in that instant, to prescribe a CT scan? He openly acknowledged that he wasn’t concerned but was doing the CT scan for ME, not for him?

Why did the radiologist and the same doctor say that they didn’t see anything concerning? Why did the same doctor send me to a specialist to make sure everything was ok? Why was there an opening the same day and why did I choose to take that appointment when I had other meetings at work? Why did she say that she wasn’t concerned either, that she didn’t see anything on the CT scan? Why did I feel the need to push her as well, sharing that my own wife had cancer twice and my sister had cancer of the lymph nodes? Why did she say “because of the history of cancer in your family I want to be certain”? What prompted her to order a needle biopsy under ultrasound to be sure that there were no false negatives?

Why did my resting heart rate increase by 7 points in 7 days to the highest it had been in a year in the days waiting for the results of the needle biopsy only to plummet the same 7 points after I received the news I was diagnosed with cancer?

It’s easy to SAY I’m experiencing the peace of God that transcends all understanding but my resting heart rate is the data that supports my statement. I’ve been tracking my resting heart rate for about a year and a half and I’ve discovered that my sense of internal peace is DIRECTLY correlated with my resting heart rate. Even a single point increase or decrease in my resting heart rate predicts my overall anxiety, and even others can see the difference in my demeanor when my resting heart rate is low!

Uncertainty Leads to Anxiety but Predictability Brings Peace

It’s undeniable. As I sit here writing this I am four and a half hours from my doctors appointment. The results came in yesterday, the nurses assistant called and said Dr. Heydt wanted to see me today and was making room in her schedule to do so. In 4.5 hours I’ll be sitting in Dr. Heydt’s office and she will share the results of my PET Scan. The results could say that it hasn’t spread or the results could say that the cancer is terminal. I don’t know what they will say, but I know this….

God’s got this! I’ve walked through trial after trial after trial in my life. Debbie and I have walked through trial after trial after trial in our lives. And we ALWAYS make it through. We lean into Him in our trials, we pray for His will to be done, we lift our hands up to the heavens and we pray that He would be glorified through our trials. And he refines us. Our trials strengthen our faith, making us perfect and complete lacking in nothing as James 1:2-4 promises.

And this trial is another refinement.

Predictability Brings Peace

I feel the peace of God that transcends all understanding as I sit here and write this. Predictability brings peace, yet NOTHING about my situation is predictable. But there is one thing that is predictable. God’s got this. No matter what the prognosis is today, He will be glorified. The opposite of fear is faith. My faith in God in this trial gives me absolute predictability that He’s in control of my life. He holds my life in His hands and He will be glorified in this.

Thank you Jesus for the peace that transcends all understanding. Thank you Jesus that I know you and I know YOU’ve got this. Thank you Jesus that I’m not alone, that you’ve surrounded me with men who love me and are carrying me. Thank you for the text I just received from Fred, thank you that I feel your arms tightly around me. Thank you for my band of brothers who are praying for me and my family and thank you that I’m NOT alone.

Lord, as I sit in my office I listen to worship music and I feel close to you. I listen to the words and they penetrate my soul and draw me even closer to you. I am raising my hands to the heavens and I’m singing Hallelujah, you are my God.

In Your Presence

As I stand here in your presence

Of your beauty I will always stand in awe

I reach my hands out to the heavens, yeah,

And I lift my voice to you alone.

To you alone

As I bow my head before you,

I lay my burdens down at your nail pierced feet,

Every ounce of you

Radiates your glory,

With you I know that I am complete.

And I sing Hallelujah,

You are my God,

Maker of heavens,

Hallelujah, you are my Lord,

I bow before your presence, yeah.

As I stand here in your presence,

Of your beauty I will always stand in awe,

I reach my hands out to the heavens, yeah,

And I lift my voice to you alone

And I sing Hallelujah,

You are my God,

Maker of the heavens,

Hallelujah

You are the Lord of all,

Maker of all the heavens,

I can only kneel before your presence,

All the nations praise your Holy Name

You are the great I Am,

More than I can reason,

I realize more that I am needing you

You are worthy, you are worthy

Lord

You are worthy, you are worthy,

You are mighty, You are mighty,

You are mighty, You are holy,

You are mighty, You are holy

For I Know The Plans I have For You, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans for a future and a hope

Father, I rest in your promise that you plan to prosper me and not harm me. I proclaim this promise and I hold it in my heart as I head out to have lunch with my wife before the prognosis.

I’m writing this BEFORE my doctor’s appointment when we will hear the results of my PET Scan. I’m writing it down as Habakkuk 2:2-3 says so that it WILL come to pass.

Cancer, Family, Pain Drives Change

I Have Cancer-Part 1

I Will Praise You In The Storm

“Dad, guess what my memory verse is this week?” Nathan asked, sitting at breakfast the morning of my PET Scan to determine the extent of the cancer we’d discovered just 2 days earlier.

After rattling off a few verses, I finally surrendered. I don’t know, I responded.

“Come on dad, you know. It’s from the biggest book in the Bible.”

That makes it easier, at least it’s from the Psalms. I guessed a few verses

Psalm 40 “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him.

“Nope, that’s not it.”

Psalm 1:3 “He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.”

Nope, that’s not it. Here’s another clue. It’s from a song by Casting Crowns.

Ahh…I know, As far as the east is from the west

Psalm 103:12 He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.

Nope, that’s not it either.

I know what it is!

Psalm 121:1!

That’s it, he said as I asked him to read it out loud.

Psalm 121: “I lift my eyes up to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth”

Tears welled up in my eyes and I fought back the tears. My son knows one of my favorite songs, and the Lord knew I needed this song this encouragement today.

Lord, I’m choosing to lift my eyes up to the hills today. I’m choosing to raise my hands to you. I’m choosing to praise you in this storm.

This storm is a storm I’ve never endured before, but a storm that I’ve watched those very close to me endure. Nearly a year ago my wife underwent major surgery to remove cancer. The cancer that arrived without a notice 6 years prior. The same cancer that the oncologist said was the “most treatable form of cancer on the planet”. The same cancer that was pronounced gone from her body only a few months later after chemo and radiation.

But it wasn’t gone. It came back with a fury the 2nd time. The doctor shared that he wasn’t concerned as my wife entered the biopsy. About an hour later he looked deeply troubled. I knew something wasn’t right.

“It looks like it was cancer, and it has grown very fast since we discovered it. I think I cut it all out, but we’ll know for certain after the biopsy. It’s a good thing you came in so quickly this time.”

It’s a good thing you came in so early this time. These words rang in my head as I remembered my sister undergoing radiation therapy 40+ years earlier to treat cancer of her lymph nodes. She only had a 20% chance of surviving but by God’s grace she is alive and cancer free today. I remember the doctors saying “it’s a good thing you came in early, she might not be here today if you hadn’t.”

At her follow up appointment a few days later the doctor pronounced he had successfully removed all the cancer and there was none at the margins. We both sighed a big sigh of relief, knowing we’d just dodged another bullet. As a precaution, we scheduled our meeting with the oncologist, believing we were done and this would be a brief meeting to pronounce everything clear.

After all, this was the most treatable form of cancer on the planet.

I have a saying that has served me well over the years. A saying that I teach almost everyone I meet. A saying that I learned as the quality manager for Xbox 360 before we lost $1.5 billion in warranty costs from the largest reliability issue in history.

Quality is the gap between expectation and experience. If your experience exceeds your expectation, you are delighted. If your experience is less than your expectation, you are frustrated.

I’ve modified this slightly as a description for human emotion.

Emotion=Expectation minus Experience

We entered the oncologists office with an expectation that no more treatment would be necessary. We had the expectation that our lives would continue as normal and this second round of cancer was just another blip.

Our expectation didn’t match our experience of the doctors recommendation and our emotions immediately changed. Peace was replaced with fear.

It’s very rare, but somehow the squamous returned. This wasn’t a recurrence of the same cancer, this was a new instance of the same form of cancer. This time it came back and was growing fast. The good news is we can treat it. It’s a good thing you came in early because if you had waited it might have spread to her lymph nodes and it wouldn’t have been treatable.”

Our jaws hit the floor. We’d narrowly escaped another bullet.

The oncologist pulled out the recommended treatment. He shared the flow chart, the statistics, and his finger traced to the part that said surgery. Major surgery, the type of surgery that would require me to take a month off of work to care for Debbie in her recovery.

Emotion=Expectation minus Experience

A year later Debbie was pronounced cancer free again. The surgery and treatment worked, again.

A few days after she was pronounced cancer free I was rubbing my neck. Something felt suspicious. A small lump, a little larger than a peanut just over my right corroded vein was there.

I was immediately gripped with fear. I tried to schedule a doctors appointment the same day. Nothing available. I put it off for a few days but ultimately those words I’d heard so many times before rang in my ears.

“It’s a good thing you came in early.”

My wife is by my side because we went in early. My sister is 40+ years cancer free because my mom brought her in early.

I called and saw the doctor that afternoon.

“I’m not concerned. Give me a call in a week if it doesn’t change size.”

I decided to schedule an appointment in a week instead and get my annual checkup.

“It hasn’t changed size, but I’m still not concerned. I’m going to schedule a CT scan to make sure. It’s more for you than me.”.

A little more than 24 hours later, laying on the table as the CT machine scanned my neck I had those same thoughts.

“Don’t mess around Damon. It’s good that you came in early.”

We’ll get the results to your doctor and he will contact you.

The waiting is the hardest part.

I remember when my wife, Debbie asked me to come upstairs. It was September 8, 2013. Just 2 days after one of the best days of my life, the day when I rode my bike 100 miles for the first time ever, and just a few short months after I’d competed in my first triathlon. Life was really good. Monica was back home, her heart completely changed from when she’d decided to move in with her mom 4 months earlier.

Life was better than it had ever been……

“Honey, I have cancer”.

Her words pierced my soul and we laid on our bed holding each other, sobbing uncontrollably. Thoughts raced through my head. How would I raise our children alone? How would our children respond? How could we protect them from the emotional anguish associated with cancer?

In an instant our souls were knitted together and I felt like she and I were one. We cried out to God begging him to save her.

The waiting is the hardest part. For 2 weeks we anguished, cried, prayed, and held each other, waiting for the appointment with the oncologist. Those 2 weeks felt like 10 years.

The news was better than anything we’d hoped for. Her cancer was only stage 1 and it was the most treatable form of cancer on the planet. A little radiation, a little chemo and she’d be good as new.

And just like that, a few months later she was pronounced cancer free.

As I write this I’m having a Déjà vu. The waiting is the hardest part.

The doctor contacted me a week after the CT scan. “I don’t see anything but I’m going to refer you to a specialist”.

Fortunately, this wait was only a few hours. She was available. I scheduled the appointment. She came in and immediately I felt peace.

“Damon, it doesn’t look like cancer but because of your history I want to make sure. I’m going to schedule a needle Biopsy under ultrasound to make certain there are no false negative readings.”

The soonest appointment was the following Tuesday.

7 more days of waiting.

Lying on the table the doctor numbed my neck and pushed a needle in to collect a few samples. After it was over he commented “man, you have tough skin. I really had to push the needle hard to get a sample!”.

You should get the results within 2-5 business days.

More waiting.

I held my phone constantly, waiting for the call. And then it came. I was in a meeting at work, I answered and walked into a quiet conference room. My heart started beating so hard that I felt it would bounce out of my chest.

“Damon, are you somewhere where you can be alone.”

My heart started beating faster, I knew what she was going to say. Here we go again…

“Damon, you’ve got cancer.”

The waiting is the hardest part…as I type this I’m waiting for my PET scan to determine the extent of my cancer.

Lord Jesus, I know you hold my life in the palm of your hands. Lord, I’ve watched you work miracle after miracle after miracle in my life. Lord, thank you for my son’s memory verse today. Today I choose to lift my eyes up to the hills. I know where my help comes from, it comes from you, Lord. The maker of heaven and earth. Lord, you have brought me and my family through many storms. This is another.

And I’ll praise you in this storm

And I will lift my hands

That you are who you are

No matter where I am

And every tear I’ve cried

You hold in your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise you in this storm

Family, Pain Drives Change, Personal Growth

One of the best decisions I ever made for my family…

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San Diego Family Trip February 2019

As a young boy I can only remember a few family vacations, and anything I do remember is vague at best. I was younger than 5 and I think we travelled to Disneyland one time when my mom was still married to her 3rd husband (the same husband that sent her to the emergency room with 20+ stitches in her head). I vaguely recall arguments while driving down highway 101. I remember another trip when we decided to “road trip” down the Oregon coast, but once again I’d prefer not to think about this trip either, all I remember is a drunken binge withy my mom and older siblings, camping in the freezing cold rain.

I did take few vacations when I was older, however. Trips with my foster “dad”, the same man who I talk about in my book. Trips to Disneyworld travelling across the country and a final trip to Texas as he fled Washington State because the police began investigating his behaviors with the boys in his group home. Of course, I didn’t know this at the time, but looking back I can see these “trips” were forms of bribery and manipulation from a sick man with a little boy named Damon.

This trip to Texas would be my last “vacation” with the exception of a weekend trip with my mom as she visited her married boyfriend. The same trip that resulted in my mom drinking her final drink and ending this relationship for good.

Needless to say, my memories of family vacations as a child aren’t the best. As I sit and write this, I struggle to understand why I ultimately decided to make family vacations with my own children such a high priority in my life. I can’t say for sure, but in my blog “Staying at the Show and Tell” I talk about the impact that 1 night away as a family had on our family bonding when Nathan was just a toddler, and in this blog I committed to being intentional about going away as a family. Looking back, this was one of the best decisions Debbie and I made early in our marriage.

I’m writing this blog on the plane flying home after spending the last 7 days with Nathan, Noelle and Debbie. Amanda and Monica couldn’t make this trip. We missed them a lot…the last time we went to San Diego we were all together and had a great time.

What an incredible trip we had. A wise mentor once told me how important it was to “Escape Annually” and recreate or re-create. I needed this vacation and so did my family. Last year was extremely difficult-Debbie’s cancer came back a second time and had a long recovery from her surgery. I’ve been working full-time at Microsoft while also building my coaching business, Change YOUniversity in my “spare-time” (when I’m not sharing leadership responsibilities as the Vice President for Cedar Park Junior Football), attending classes for my Masters in Leadership, or working toward my coaching credentials. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I’m also embroiled in a legal matter that has taken it’s toll.

I was tired and needed to “escape” to gain some perspective on my world and what really matters. Thank you, Jesus, for giving me the conviction to plan this escape months ago and giving me the conviction to disconnect during the week. I needed it, my kids needed it, my marriage needed it….and every other area of my life will be positively impacted because of it.

What made this week so special? It certainly wasn’t the sunny weather in San Diego…there was more rain this week than San Diego “ever gets” according to the locals. It was windy and pretty cold on the other days. Yeah, we had 3 or 4 days of sunny weather and it made up for the rain…but unlike other trips to San Diego, the weather this time wasn’t the best. It certainly wasn’t the tourist attractions (although our 1 day of visiting the San Diego Safari park was awesome…until it started raining around 1:00 making it quite cold…). It wasn’t the easy parking at the airport (we almost missed our flight because all of the parking lots were full), and it wasn’t the short lines getting to our flight (if not for Noelle telling me to leave 15 minutes earlier than I’d planned we would have missed our flight). It wasn’t the boneheaded move of scraping the side of the rental car on the garage that will cost me hundreds of dollars, and it wasn’t the sleeping arrangements for Nathan (on the cold floor with a thin matt).

So, what was it that made this trip so unique and special?

  • Perhaps it was the excitement in Nathan and Noelle in the week’s leading up to the trip.
    • Noelle planned everything and packed her clothes nearly a week in advance.
    • Nathan made sure to pack his beloved football
  • Perhaps it was the anticipation of waking up at 5:15 a.m. on the day of our flight with the kids waking up excited soon afterward
  • Perhaps it was the fish tacos while we waited for our AirBnB to open up
  • Or maybe it was watching Noelle jump on the pretty Orange Schwinn bike on the boardwalk trail right after arriving
  • Or Nathan pulling out the football and playing catch with me soon afterward
  • Maybe it was walking a few hundred yards and watching the kids play in the cold ocean with the sun going down
  • Or snuggling in our AirBnB watching dumb shows after shopping and buying Oreo cookies and Ribeye steaks
  • Maybe it was waking up to my wife sitting peacefully on the stairs drinking her coffee
  • Perhaps it was getting up and running on the boardwalk around Mission Bay and coming back to my kids and wife relaxing and enjoying the sun as it shone through the window
  • Maybe it was sitting in the sun on the deck of the Olive Café many mornings enjoying incredible food and incredible company
  • It could have been the laughter and smile on Noelle’s face after our adventure of riding bikes home on the boardwalk as the ocean wind drenched us on our bikes as we pedaled back to get warm
  • Or playing catch with Nathan a few minutes later in the cold windy rain with him yelling “This is awesome”
  • Maybe it was the freedom of jumping on the Lime scooter and silently cruising 15 mph around the boardwalk and along the beach, looking for every excuse I could to do it again
    • Thank God for these electric scooters making it a lot faster to get to the bathroom after drinking too much coffee and water!
  • Or laying on the beach, digging a deep hole in the sand getting sunburned because we were too foolish to wear sunscreen…just look at the pictures and our red noses!
  • Maybe it was the ribeye steaks that tasted like charcoal because of the flames on the barbecue going out of control
  • Or maybe it was the lobster tacos at “World Famous” (wow…they were good
  • Or the smoothies and vanilla blended coffee at the eclectic Better Buzz Coffee house filled with Millenials
  • Perhaps it was kayaking on the bay with Noelle
  • Or sloshing through the mud and grass with them both
  • Maybe it was snuggling with my wife watching “The Profit”
  • Or enjoying a margarita and a beer with my beautiful wife, dreaming together at the Guava Beach Cafe’ right across the street from our AirBnB
  • Or cruising with her down the boardwalk on those awesome Lime scooters (until she almost wiped out because the brake didn’t work for her)
  • Perhaps it was convincing Noelle (ask she kicked and screamed) to put on the wetsuit to stay warm as we boogy boarded in the cold ocean…only to have her say “Thank you, Daddy for talking me into this. I’m having so much fun I don’t want to stop”
  • Maybe it was running in the morning with Nathan riding his rented bike on the boardwalk
  • Or sitting in the sun outside our AirBnB playing volleyball, football and trying to fly a kite
  • Perhaps it was the delicious Avocado toast and coffee with my wife for a few minutes of alone time, making a decision to be more intentional about our relationship on a daily basis
  • Or the very long walk that Noelle and I took from the car rental place to downtown because we didn’t want to sit in the airport for 4 hours

Or perhaps it was none of this and all of this. Perhaps what made this trip so special was just spending time and being fully engaged in the moment with my family, the family I didn’t have as a child but always dreamed of. The family that God gave me and I cherish above all else.

Jesus, I thank you for the pain that you put in my life so many years ago. The pain that ultimately changed me into the man I am today, a man who has devoted his life to being the best man I can possibly be so that my own children will never experience the pain that I did as a child and later as an adult. A man committed to breaking the generational curses that have plagued my own family of origin.

Bipolar, Domestic Violence, Family, Pain Drives Change

My interview with Carrie Abbott

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A few days ago I was honored to be interviewed by Carrie Abbott at the KCIS radio station here in Seattle for her daily show, Relationship Insights.

What I appreciated most about Carrie was how she made me feel incredibly safe as I sat across from her in a very vulnerable state. As I opened up about the awful things that happened to me as a child she continually reminded her listeners about God’s grace and challenged everyone to face their pain head on.

In part 1 of our interview I talk about my childhood including watching my mom in a drunken rage. I share about her courageous decision to stop drinking, getting locked out of our basement apartment, and living in a park after we were locked out of our home. I share how she had to put us in foster homes so she could get healthy. And I share about the sexual abuse I experienced while in the foster home.

Listen to part 1 of my interview with Carrie Abbott

In part 2 of our interview I talk about how I responded to the pain and abandonment of my childhood. Carrie gently pulled out my most shameful past, a past that I wish I could change but can’t. I share about my anger and domestic violence, culminating in a separation from my first wife when my daughter, Monica, was a year and a half old.  The remainder of the interview talks about how God used my pain to transform me into the man I am today. We talk about Monica’s struggles and eventual victory over drug addiction. We talk about my wife, Debbie-the amazing woman God put into my life, and how we built our relationship on a foundation of trust beginning with sexual purity.

Listen to part 2 of my interview with Carrie Abbott

Thank you, Carrie for all you do and thank you for the opportunity!

Did you know I’ve partnered with LifeWire, the largest provider of comprehensive domestic violence services in the State of Washington?

I’ll donate $20 to LifeWire for every book you purchase on my website!

 

Family, Microsoft, Pain Drives Change, Personal Growth

Thank You Microsoft….and Hello!

Thank You Microsoft and Hello!

After 5 incredible months off I’m back at Microsoft in a job that was created for me.  I am overwhelmed with how incredible the time off was and how blessed I am to be back at Microsoft. If you don’t have time to read the blog here are the highlights of my time off:

  • I enjoyed my family
  • I was head coach of my son’s junior football team (6-7 year-olds)
  • I joined a startup and quickly realized it wasn’t going to work
  • I wrote my first book-Pain Drives Change-in 45 days!
  • I learned a TON
  • I vacationed in Eastern Washington, the Oregon Coast and San Juan Islands
  • I got extreme clarity on my vision for the second half of my life
  • I once again realized how incredible Microsoft is as a company and was blessed to be re-hired after my first interview loop!

This blog is the “story behind the story”. Continue reading Thank You Microsoft….and Hello! →

Pain Drives Change

I just finished my final edits for my book “Pain Drives Change”

Wow!

Editing is much harder than I ever imagined.  It took me longer to edit my book “Pain Drives Change” than it did to write it!

But it needed to be edited.  My first draft was written stream of consciousness.  My editor then took my stream of consciousness writing and cleaned it up significantly.  I then took his edits and modified some of the content.

It turns out that I didn’t know the full story when I wrote the original version-I learned more in the process of talking with my mom and dad while they each wrote their letters that are included in the book.

Continue reading I just finished my final edits for my book “Pain Drives Change” →

Bipolar

Famous People with Bipolar Disorder

I’m doing some research on bipolar and I was shocked to find this group of famous people with bipolar disorder:

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  • Beethoven
  • Winston Churchill
  • Carrie Fischer
  • Mel Gibson
  • Catherine Zeta-Jones
  • Marilyn Monroe
  • Jean-Claude Van Damme
  • Kurt Cobain
  • Frank Sinatra
  • Demi Lovato
  • Edgar Allen Poe
  • Richard Dreyfuss

Bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness) is a neurobiological disorder that severely affects approximately 5.5 million Americans age 18 or older, or 2.6 percent of the adult population. An estimated 51% of individuals with this condition are untreated in any given year.

Bipolar doesn’t have to be debilitating and it doesn’t mean you’re crazy.  You can be wildly successful if you have bipolar, but you have to take full responsibility for treating your bipolar disorder. The list of famous people with bipolar disorder above clearly shows this.

In my book “Pain Drives Change” I share the wreckage bipolar had on my personal life and I share how I overcame it.

 

Sleep

What I Learned From My Sleep Study-Part 1

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I came across a very interesting infographic yesterday from Michael Hyatt that summarized the importance of sleep.

“If you are a high-achiever, this might be the single most important tip I could give you for improving your productivity.” Michael Hyatt

I was shocked to discover that the world’s top athletes get significantly more sleep than the average of 6 hours 44 minutes, Lebron James gets as much as 12 hours of sleep!

I’ve been tracking my sleep for nearly a year with my Microsoft Band. While not an apples to apples comparison with the data mentioned above (it was collected with a Zeo), it is still very intriguing. Continue reading What I Learned From My Sleep Study-Part 1 →