On January 13, 1999 I placed my video camera on a tripod and began video journaling the season of my life that transformed me into the man I am today. I had just separated from my wife and moved into a small house in the slums of South Seattle.
I had no idea how much emotional pain I’d be facing in the years to come and I had no idea that I’d need this pain to turn me into the man God created me to be. For some reason I knew that I wanted to immortalize this season of my life through my video journal and so I began. Continue reading Pain Drives Change-I’m almost finished writing my first book!
The Pain of Divorce
I just finished writing Chapter 7, “The Pain of Divorce” and I came across some interesting statistics on the divorce rate in America.
It is difficult to say which statistics are fully accurate, but my research indicates that greater than 40% of marriages end in divorce.
According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America: Continue reading The Pain of Divorce
The Pain of the Father Void
I’m writing Chapter 5 called “The Pain of Fatherlessness” and I wanted to share some data that I found at fathers.com.
A study in 2010 by the U.S. Census Bureau indicates that 33% of the children in America live absent their fathers. In 2012 a study by the U.S. Census Bureau indicated that 57.6% of black children, 31.2% of Hispanic children, and 20.7% of white children are living absent their biological fathers. If it were classified as a disease, fatherlessness would be an epidemic worthy of attention as a national emergency. Continue reading The Pain of the Father Void
I’m writing a book!
I started writing my book “Pain Drives Change” on the day after Labor Day, 2015. I’m 4 chapters in and I’m really enjoying the process.
Today I talked with a publisher and we think we can get it published by January 1, 2016.
I’m very excited! I just obtained the www.paindriveschange.com and www.paindriveschange.org!
Stay tuned…I’m going to start sharing some of the unedited content here.
Blessed beyond measure-what a week!
A week ago today I heard the news-my position at Microsoft had been eliminated and my last day was Friday. I wrote about this in my blog “Thank you Microsoft and Goodbye”. I honestly had no idea that a simple blog post from my heart would impact so many people. I’ve received more than a hundred emails, most from people I’ve never met, thanking me for the blog. Many people mentioned that my blog gave them a new perspective and re-energized them for their work. As a Master Black Belt in Six Sigma I love data. For fun, I pulled the statistics on WordPress. As of this writing nearly 25,000 visitors have seen my blog. I’m overwhelmed by the encouragement and response and I wanted to take a minute and thank everyone for their encouragement and support. Furthermore, I had multiple people ask for me to keep them updated on my journey so I’ve decided to blog about my experiences.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
A few years ago I asked my neighbor, former Huskies football head coach Jim Lambright, to speak at the men’s breakfast at our church. Continue reading Blessed beyond measure-what a week!
Thank you Microsoft and Goodbye
12 ½ years ago I made a “keystone” decision in both my professional and personal life. I began my career at Honeywell in Redmond and after 13 years I knew I had to change companies if I was going to continue progressing in my career. I also knew that leaving the Seattle area was not an option-my daughter, Monica, was 5 at the time and lived with her mom. Leaving would mean I would be leaving her…simply not an option.
God has an amazing way of working things out. A former employee of mine at Honeywell worked in Microsoft Hardware and saw the potential for my skills in Six Sigma to improve the way Microsoft designed and produced hardware. Before I knew it I was working for Microsoft, my office move was less than a mile. While in building 109 I often times reflected of the softball games we played at Honeywell in the fields where building 109 now sat. Microsoft was bigger than life and I had been given an opportunity that most people dream of. My first day was January 6, 2003.
On July 8, 2015 I rode my bike to the Pro Club to run on the treadmill (a “brick day” in my triathlon training regime). As I read the news and the emails about the restructuring I was saddened, but knew it was imminent. Would I be affected I wondered? With absolute certainty I said no. 2 hours later I mentioned it to my wife on the phone and she asked if I’d be affected. With absolute certainty I said “no”. Less than 5 minutes later I was in my boss’s office with an HR representative and was informed that my position had been eliminated. I was in shock and called my wife-her response was the same response I’ve gotten from almost everyone I’ve told “you’re kidding, right?” I had to tell her 3 times that I wasn’t kidding, my last day at Microsoft would be Friday.
I have built a habit into my life of using reflection to energize personal growth. Every year I reflect on my previous years and document it, using my learnings to set goals for my future. I guess you can say the Deming cycle of “Plan, Do, Check, Act” is part of my personal DNA and I use it to continuously improve. This blog post is my first reflection. My hope and prayer is that the readers of this document will benefit from it as much as I will.
“Consider it joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials knowing the testing of your faith produces endurance and let endurance have its perfect result so that you will be perfect and complete lacking in nothing” James 1:2-4
My strongest emotion since this new is gratitude and I want to express that gratitude in no uncertain terms. Microsoft is an incredible company to work for in virtually every aspect. On a personal note, Microsoft and my management have always done whatever they could to assist me when life’s trials came up. When my wife got cancer, Microsoft’s benefits paid for nearly all of her treatment and I was given whatever time I needed to be with her (she is now cancer free!) When my daughter was born I was given 4 weeks of paid paternity leave (one of the best experiences of my life). The same happened when my son was born. When my teenage daughter was struggling Microsoft benefits paid for 100% of her treatment (she is now doing incredibly well!). When I needed time to take care of my mom in the hospital I was told I could work remotely if necessary. When I was struggling with weight gain, Microsoft offered to pay for my membership at one of the nation’s best fitness clubs. Through this I discovered my love of exercise and began cycling to work. Microsoft once again reinforced this behavior and reimbursed me for supplies and tune-ups of my bike. I discovered the Microsoft Team for “Bike MS” and rode my first century at Deception Pass-Microsoft donated $17 per hour to the National MS Society for my bike riding time. When I decided to start coaching my son’s football team Microsoft paid the organization thousands of dollars for my donated time. When I was struggling with issues as a dad I discovered the “Microsoft Dads” alias and was introduced to thousands of dads with incredible advice. When I learned about the Dad’s leadership team my boss fully supported my time spent. These aliases are prevalent at Microsoft. When I shared that my wife had cancer the outpouring of love and encouragement was incredible. When I wanted to automate my home the insights were invaluable and the connections have opened a door to what could become my next profession.
Microsoft has invested tens of thousands of dollars in my own personal growth. Conferences, seminars, books, mentors, on the job learning, exposure to new ideas, and connections with the world’s brightest people. It is impossible to quantify the impact of this learning, but my life and future career will benefit immensely from it.
Thank you, Microsoft for the incredible pay and benefits. The stock options, stock, bonus pay and salary have allowed my wife to be at home to raise and homeschool our children. The financial stability allowed me to invest into what is arguably one of the finest vacation rental destinations on Lake Chelan, Marina’s Edge. The severance package I’ve received was incredibly generous . This benefit alone will certainly transform the second half of my life and give me time with my family that most people only dream of.
Thank you, Microsoft for the experiences and opportunities to live out my personal mission statement of “Adding value to people’s lives through serving others….” and accomplish more than I never dreamed possible. Here are a few of the accomplishments I’m most proud of:
- Introducing Microsoft Hardware to Six Sigma and Design for Six Sigma and building a lot of these principles into the e2e product development lifecycle, winning the team an engineering excellence award.
- Co-developing the “Customer Focused Design” methodology and applying it to hundreds of different projects
- Introducing the Xbox team to Six Sigma and the power of data through the dramatic improvements in manufacturing yield earning the team a “Gold Star” award
- Introducing Microsoft Hardware to statistical visual analysis and the power of Six Sigma through tools like JMP, ultimately isolating the root cause of the billion dollar quality problem on the original Xbox 360
- These improvements won me the opportunity to be a keynote speaker at a number of conferences
- Forming the initial Surface Quality team to drive improvements on original surface (remember, it was a very large table device J)
- Transforming the approach to Business Intelligence in Manufacturing and Supply Chain IT ultimately doubling our customer satisfaction score
- Being a part of the Operational Excellence Team that introduced Manufacturing and Supply Chain IT to the Scaled Agile Framework and ultimately influencing the direction of Microsoft IT
Finally, thank you Microsoft for the friendships. It was literally impossible for me to identify all of the people I’ve met and known at Microsoft to include on my goodbye email. It was very interesting to me as I was clearing out my computer files. 12.5 years of work, nearly 25,000 hours of my life poured into my work (PowerPoint, Word, Excel, OneNote, etc….). All of it deleted from my hard drive. It’s almost unfathomable. All of this work gone. The only thing that endures are the relationships. None of my accomplishments during my time at Microsoft would have happened without these relationships. None of my memories would be there without these relationships. Life and work are about relationships. I used to feel guilty taking time during lunch to develop relationships or time during a 1:1 to ask “how are you doing”. Developing relationships certainly wasn’t “real work”. But then one day I realized that building the relationships are the work. Most of my career at Microsoft was about driving cultural change. People don’t want to change and resist change-unless someone they trust is encouraging them along the path of change. Trust is the foundation of all relationships both professionally and personally.
To all the people I’ve interacted with throughout the years I want to say thank you for the relationships. In all my interactions with you I tried to earn your trust. Thank you for trusting me and letting me be a part of your lives. My hope and prayer is that through these relationships I’ve fulfilled my personal mission statement of “Adding value to people’s lives through serving others that they may do the same”. If I’ve added any value to your life please take the time to do the same through the relationships you form during your time at Microsoft.
Thank you and good bye!
Damon
(425) 770-2522
Can abusers ever change?
Diana Savage recently wrote this blog post. I was humbled and honored by her words.
I’d love to hear your feedback on her article.
Reflections of our 2014 San Diego Family Vacation
Sun, sand, biking, running, playing, food, boardwalk, friends, family, safari, Disney, fried chicken, rolls, fire, music, laughter, warmth, boogy boarding, ribeyes, rollercoasters, sunsets with a margarita, Old Towne, Legoland, knots berry farm, airplanes, kites, football, chilling on the deck, and ending with nearly missing a flight.
What does all this have in common? The best family vacation I can ever remember! We did it all in a week and in the process grew closer as a family, relaxed, spent time with old friends, and completely disconnected. Words cannot describe the experience we shared this week.
As I often said before the trip “It’s not every day your wife overcomes cancer and your 19 and 16 year olds want to join you on a vacation”. But it was this day…and we made the most of it. When I asked everyone if they wanted to go home the answer was a resounding no.
The condo we stayed in was perfect. Right on Mission Bay with the sandy beach just across the boardwalk making it easy for the kids to get up and play in the sand. The Pacific Ocean with its boardwalk and all the shops and restaurants along it was just 2 blocks away. Monica and I took a walk after we arrived on Saturday listening to the waves crash in the background, and stopping by to enjoy a warm beach fire before we hit the hay.
The sun shined into our room on Sunday morning and we awoke to walk out onto our deck while Nathan and Noelle were across the boardwalk digging in the sand. The freedom of being able to arise and be outside watching the kids play in the sand was refreshing and incredibly relaxing. We found ourselves not wanting to leave but just enjoy the day so we did J. We had a great breakfast at a little restaurant and walked along the boardwalk on the beach back home. Old Towne is a 
favorite of the girls, so we jumped in the van and were there before sunset. We were serenaded while we enjoyed the freshly made tortillas.
Monday rolled around and I took a run along the boardwalk as Noelle rode her bike alongside of me. 4 miles with the sun shining, the waves crashing and the ocean breeze keeping me cool. This was so much fun that Noelle and I have decided we are going to do my Saturday runs on the trail at home with her riding beside me.
We headed to the San Diego Wild Animal Safari and had an incredible day together. What a place this is with baby lions, a mother gorilla and her baby, a soon to be extinct Northern White Rhino, some giraffes, and a cheetah that ran 65 miles per hour right in front of us! This was my favorite of all the attractions we saw during the week.
A barbecue was in order for the evening so we stopped by the store to get stuff for shishkabobs. The bbq ran out of propane so Debbie winged it and made a tasty stir fry instead. An evening by the fire listening to music and watching the moon over Mission Bay topped off a perfect day.
I wasn’t sure about Knotts Berry Farm but Debbie swayed me when she said we could have chicken dinner after we were done. We had enjoyed this restaurant the first time we went to Knott’s Berry Farm and it made quite an impact, so we decided to go again after a fun day of roller coasters. Monica wasn’t into the roller coasters, but she found herself a $5 black coffee instead J.
Nathan’s favorite ride of the whole week was the water ride and Noelle’s was the ride on the horse-drawn carriage. Amanda and I rode the Silver Bullet and loved it so much that we did it a second time. Later that evening Monica and I had a great walk on the beach listening to the surf in the background to end another perfect day in San Diego.
We decided Wednesday would be another relaxing day around the town. I took another run when I got up (I ran 22 miles during our vacation week), and convinced Monica to join me on the bike. She did but took off in front of me, only to be found sipping a coffee at a shop on the beach, deciding she found her perfect job of serving coffee at this spot one day J Debbie and Amanda did the same later on. We spent the day riding bikes, playing in the sand, and boogy boarding. Deb and I got to spend a few hours aloe at Joe’s Crab Shack drinking a Margarita and watching the sunset. We decided we like it here so much that we want to come back for our 10 year anniversary and spend a few days alone. Later we had a great dinner with our friends Rob and Jackie and their 2 kids. Jackie brought spaghetti and Rob brought my favorite beer (A.B.A. from Stone 
Brewery). We enjoyed dinner and roasted marshmallows afterwards in the fire pit. What a great way to end another perfect day in San Diego! The kids played in the sand until way too late so we decided to put off our trip to Disneyland until Friday.
Thursday came and Nathan and I decided to go to Legoland and leave the girls behind. We rode rides and walked through the park amazed at the structures. We were so busy we forgot to eat so we stopped by a strawberry stand and had strawberries for lunch J. We came home, played in the sand and watched another fantastic sunset from the beach. I barbecued rib eye steak and we enjoyed a pre-valentines dinner as a family followed by marshmallows, music, and great conversation around the fire to end yet another perfect day in San Diego. I enjoyed the gas fire pit so much this week that I committed to the family to put one in on our deck so we can easily enjoy fires together.
I arose with the sun and took a run around the bay. We were in the car and on our way to Disneyland before 8:30. We were hoping it wouldn’t be packed but were mistaken. It was jam-packed for Valentine’s Day, but it didn’t hinder our fun. I pulled up a picture of Monica, me, and Mickey from when she was 3 and sent it to her as a Valentine’s Day card. We enjoyed the day riding the rides but later discovered how beautiful it is in the evening. Amanda and Monica found a great restaurant and we enjoyed gumbo, corn chowder, and jambalaya while listening to a New Orleans Jazz band which we all loved. Later on we watched the fireworks over the castle and headed home, arriving at 11 in the evening. Disneyland was a long day but a great family day. When we go again we’ll be sure to go mid-week and get tickets to California Adventures so the kids can see Cars Land.
Saturday rolled around and our vacation was coming to an end. The day started like so many others…Nathan came into our room at 7:03 a.m. just like clockwork. Noelle went with me for my final run, but today we took a different path around the bay. Rob and Jackie came over to pick up their bikes, and we spent a few minutes playing football in the sand with the boys. Nathan had built a football field 
and Rob captured a picture that I think highlights the essence of our week together….Nathan and me on the field kicking an extra point through the uprights he’d outlined in the sand.
We barely made the flight home because we misjudged traffic. We returned to winds and rain in Seattle and a fallen tree in our neighborhood. I put on my work clothes, brought my chainsaw over and with the help of Chuck and the local fire department we cleared it out of the road! Welcome home!
As I sit here reflecting on the week I am convinced that God had his hand on our family and helped us all relax, refresh, and recharge while growing closer to one another. Our family is already dreaming of the next time we get to visit San Diego!
What did I learn?
- TIME together knits our family’s hearts together. Time together away from the responsibilities of home compounds this effect
- Freedom comes when you can just walk out your door and play. We’ve discovered this at Wapato, Keller Ferry, and San Diego. The extra $600 for our condo was well worth it
- It doesn’t take an amusement park to be amused. Playing in the sand, biking, and sitting around the fire were more invigorating than any of the parks we visited
- I didn’t realize how tired I was.
- I love my family and will forever cherish the times we spend together. I pray our kids will want to bring their kids to spend time with us in the future
- I can’t wait to do this again. Maybe next time I’ll try 2 weeks!
Fishing…Memories for a Lifetime
Let me ask you a question. When you were a kid did you ever go fishing? If you did, I’ll bet that you remember the experience. I know I remember fishing as a kid. I remember going to my dad’s as a kid and fishing. There was a river near his house and I used to ride my bike down to the river. One time I dropped my line in and I had a huge fish on the line (I’d never caught a big fish). My heart started racing and I couldn’t wait to see how big it was. I was able to reel him near the surface and saw a trout bigger than any I’d ever seen. Now my heart was really racing, I couldn’t wait to bring him in. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a net and when I tried to bring him to shore, the line broke and I lost him. Even though I didn’t catch this fish, the memory is still with me. I remember a time fishing for salmon as a kid out on a charter boat and 
limiting out.
When I became an adult, I mostly forgot about fishing until Monica was about 2 years old. We bought her a fishing pole and went fishing. I’ll never forget the excitement “Daddy, I got one! I got a fishy!” Fishing became something we did together. We discovered Fish Lake and it quickly became our favorite place to fish. Monica always caught more fish than anyone else. Here’s a picture of some of the fish she caught one day. There were so many fish she could barely pick them up!
There were many other times when we went fishing together. One time we camped at the North Cascades. We decided to go fishing at the base of a dam. It was one of those perfect days. The water was so 
clear that I could see the trout. This is one of my favorite pictures of that day. She was so happy and content fishing with Daddy.
There was another night when we went fishing on my boat and caught a salmon. We’d decided to camp on the boat and were hungry. We drove to a little store and bought some butter, lemon, and a little barbecue. We barbecued the salmon on the dock while we watched the full moon. The salmon was delicious and the time we spent together is indelibly etched into both of our brains.
Isn’t it interesting that I can remember the extraordinary detail about that big trout that got away 35 years ago? My memories of fishing with Monica are poignant, etched into my heart and memory forever.
Last Saturday we went to Fish Lake with my kids and some friends. The weather forecast was raining and thundershowers and everyone swore we were crazy (especially our wives who stayed home). When we got to Fish Lake, we thought we were crazy too. We launched the boat in 
the drizzling rain with 4 kids packed in. We dropped our lines and immediately Chloe caught her first trout! Then Noelle caught her first trout. Then Conner and finally Nathan got their first trout. They were so excited! We probably caught a dozen fish in 2 hours and it didn’t rain a drop!
I wonder why fishing memories are so poignant? Is it because when we are fishing we are absorbed in the moment? Is it because many times we are spending time with those we love the most? Is it because we are in nature enjoying God’s creation? I honestly don’t know and I’m not sure I’ll ever know.
Here’s what I do know. As a dad, I am very busy with work, my house, and taking care of all of my kids. I’m overwhelmed with the projects that I haven’t finished (the yard needs mowed, the truck is broken, the toilet isn’t working, the deck needs to be stained….and on and on and on it goes). Taking the kids fishing just takes away from my limited time to do all of the work that needs to be done.
I’m glad I made the decision to take my kids fishing and so are they.
What about you? Do you remember fishing as a kid? When was the last time you took your kids fishing? I want to challenge you to forget about everything you have to do for a day and take your little boy and/or little girl fishing. You won’t regret it!
Staying at the “Show and Tell”
Monica’s out of school on Spring Break this week so we thought we’d spend some time together as a family. We had a lot of fun together…staying at the show and tell. That’s what Nathan called the hotel, “The Show and Tell”. Unfortunately, Amanda and Monica 
don’t have the same spring break, so we had to sneak in an overnighter together. It seems like it has been forever since we have gone away as a family, but I’m glad we did. We found a hotel in Bellingham and took off Sunday after church. We stopped at IHOP for breakfast (I passed on the Waffles and Chicken special). We got the older girls a room of their own and Debbie and I stayed with the younger ones in our room. The hotel had an indoor swimming pool and a hot tub. We were there for about 10 minutes when the younger ones got their bathing suits on and went down to the pool. They had been counting the days since we told them we’d be going last Thursday. They were so excited that they packed their own suitcases the night before (Noelle is so sweet, she packed Nathan’s suitcase and her own…pretty responsible for 5 years old).
We couldn’t have planned it better. The swimming pool had a 2 foot wading pool attached to it. Nathan and Noelle were in it immediately. What is it about little kids and the pool? Noelle loves to swim with me. She stands on the edge of the pool and tells me to go out “farther, daddy, farther”. I wish I’d gotten a picture-she flies straight out to me and I catch her as she lands in the water. Of course Nathan has to do exactly what his sister does, so he, too, jumps to daddy. This time I let him jump to me and he decided he was going to go in all the way, so I let him.
If you’re reading this you’re probably thinking “wow, kinda like watching somebody else’s home movies…pretty exciting…for them!” You’re right; writing about my family spending time together is very exciting for me. I’m certain that I’ll forget about Nathan calling the hotel a “show and tell” in a few months, but in a few years when I read this blog it will bring it all back to me. Who knows, maybe Nathan will read daddy’s blog when he 
has a son of his own.
Amanda and Monica used to love to swim just like the little ones do now. We used to go to hotels and spend the night together just to go swimming. This time, they were more interested in the hot tub than the pool, but Amanda did join us for a while when we were swimming.
We went out to dinner at “Kyoto” a Japanese Hibachi restaurant. It was a lot of fun. They have a big grill that you sit around and you watch them cook your dinner. Monica decided she wanted to try sushi, so I let her. She ordered California rolls and she loved them (now I know what I’ll be ordering next time we go out on a date night)! Dinner was great and the entertainment was awesome. Nathan and Noelle were enthralled watching him cook right in front of us.
We went back to the hotel and put the little ones to bed. Amanda and Monica took a sauna together, then went to their room and engorged themselves on junk food. The next morning Debbie and I took the little ones out to breakfast at McDonalds and watched them play as we reflected on our time together. Why is it so hard to do something so simple? Families love to spend time together, and we’ve found that we do best when we pack up and spend the night somewhere else. Why don’t we do it more often, we thought? What would be the optimum frequency to go away together as a family for a night or two? Is there a way that we can “hard wire” our time away? Perhaps we could get a timeshare condo with fixed time away? We’re not sure exactly what our plan is, but we think we’d like to go away once every three to four months together as a family.
It was pouring down rain on our drive home. We stopped at the outlet mall and Debbie and the older girls went shopping while Nathan napped and Noelle and I hung out together in the van. Noelle was particularly sad. The tears flowed down her cheeks on the ride home. She loved our time together so much she just didn’t want it to end. This time together as a family really bonds us all together, especially when we are away from home.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on different ways you bond as a family-let me know!