And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others. 2 Tim 2:2
I’m flying home after spending the weekend in Oklahoma and Texas, spending time with a few men and their families who are coaches in Change YOUniversity. I’m beyond humbled as I reflect on the profound impact that Change YOUniversity has had on these men, their families, clients, and countless other people through these men’s decision to do everything possible to save their families.
Part II is my experience with Mike and his wife Jody from a few days ago..
“I’m hungry, let’s get dinner” I said to Mike and his wife Jody after spending a few hours in their beautiful home on 5 acres in Oklahoma, the same home that Jody moved out of barely a year and a half earlier after her counselor helped her realize that Mike was verbally and emotionally abusing her for their entire marriage.
We enjoyed dinner at a restaurant in the same town Jody grew up in. After dinner I asked if they’d show me the domestic abuse shelter that Jody was now the executive director of. She told me they were cautious to hire her a few months ago because she was a former client…..
We walked around the building and Jody showed me the office of her counselor that had walked her through her challenges with Mike and given her the courage she needed to separate from Mike the 2nd time 16 months ago.
Then she began sharing the stories of the women and children that come for the services her organization offers. Women with black eyes and bruises all over their bodies. Women who have no cloths on their backs and can’t feed their children. Women who are scared for their lives and have lost all hope.
She showed me the room where men who are court ordered to attend a BIP “Batterer’s Intervention Program” attend mandatory classes every week. And she showed me the office of the counselor that ran the BIP was retiring. The emotional toil was too great to handle.
She shared her vision, and she continually said “I didn’t know what God was up to, but He did.”
“Let’s get dessert, I’m hungry for dessert” I said.
I sat across from Mike and Jody, watching them laugh and hold hands and recount their story from barely a year earlier. Jody shared that Mike was controlling and dominating in his words and actions. How she’d closed herself of to him because she didn’t feel safe with him. She shared how she was ready for divorce, but how God reminded her of a vision he’d given from piece of paper she had in her Bible. It was from a sermon she’d heard only a few months before they separated. A vision of a marriage that would pour into others, strong God fearing children, a debt free oasis, strong unbreakable bond with God, a clear calling, and missions.
And she shared how she saw this piece of paper as she was contemplating divorce from Mike.
I watched Mike as he listened, realizing it was only because of the mighty hand of God that they were together and sitting there with me.. He recounted the feelings of abandonment he’d felt when she said she wanted a divorce and left him alone in the dream house they’d build a few years earlier. He shared how in his hopelessness he cried out to God and how God put a Facebook ad in front of him. How he’d called and talked to Jace, another coach in Change YOUniversity. He shared how he couldn’t afford Change YOUniversity but how he knew that if he didn’t do it his marriage would certainly be over. And he shared how he trusted God and God provided the means.
I watched them sit in awe, listening to their own story and how only God knew the future. How they’d trusted God and worked on themselves, not knowing if their marriage would survive or be over.
Mike shared how Change YOUniversity and his coach, Ron had challenged him and held him accountable to change himself and do the hard work to change the parts of him that he didn’t even know existed until Jody left.
And he shared about the conversation he and Jody had after she called him out of the blue, having seen the sermon notes she’d scribbled a few months earlier. He recalled how slowly they began rebuilding their relationship, and how Jody began noticing a change in Mike. And she recalled him saying she’d changed too, but how she reminded him that she hadn’t changed, she was the same person she’d always been but because he’d changed she was now comfortable with allowing him to see all of her.
“God has fulfilled that vision, Jody” I said. They looked at each other and realized in a very short period of time, God had fully fulfilled the vision he’d laid out in the darkest season of their lives.
I looked at them with tears in my eyes. “I can’t believe what I’m seeing. 21 years ago I put a camera on a tripod in my darkest hours of despair and proclaimed that one day I was going to use my pain to help others overcome their pain. I didn’t know how it would happen, but I trusted God and He used my pain to change me.
I recalled sharing my book, Pain Drives Change, with Ron 5 years earlier before it was published in hopes that it would help him as he navigated the painful waters of his wife asking for a divorce after nearly 30 years of marriage. And I recalled Ron pouring into Mike as Mike navigated the painful waters of potentially his 3rd divorce. Ron challenged Mike to fully surrender and trust God with the outcome, and walked beside him every step of the way.
Earlier that day Mike introduced me to his pastors as he shared his passion to help other men change themselves so they could save their own families and generations. And he shared how the assignment from Change YOUniversity to meet with 5 Godly men brought him to Pastor Mike who boldly proclaimed the truth that Mike had to stop blaming everyone else and take responsibility for changing his own actions. This assignment came from the impact of the Godly men, Steve and Bob, that God put in my own life and spoke the truth to me as I tried to blame everyone else for my own problems.
The next morning I told them how proud I was of them and how honored I was to be in their lives. I told Jody the incredible impact she was having on these women who were hopeless, and I shared that it brought me back to my own childhood and wondered “where would I be if my mom had found a shelter like the one Jody was leading?”
Then I felt prompted to read my own mom’s story from my book. I choked back the tears as I read the letter my mom had written about how she had to give her children up because we were homeless after she fled with 38 stitches in her forehead, afraid that he was going to kill her.
“Jody, you are fulfilling your calling that God had you write down barely a year ago. I’m sitting in that debt free oasis that you wrote about. I believe that God is going to use both of you in unfathomable ways to impact lives through your own stories.”
Mike then talked about his own clients, how he was challenging them the way he’d been challenged, and how he was watching them grow as husbands and fathers. He talked on the phone with Jason, a coach in training who was beginning to reconcile with his wife and was ready to begin coaching his own clients.
I asked Mike and Jody if I could pray for them before I left to visit Josh. We sat on the back porch of their beautiful oasis in the fields of Oklahoma with a warm breeze blowing. I thanked God for the pain He’d brought me through, for the vision he’d given me, for the gift of being laid off from Microsoft to write my book, and the inspiration for Change YOUniversity. I thanked Him for Jace who talked to Mike when he called us and challenged him that if it was God’s will, he’d provide the money. I thanked Him for Ron and his obedience to grow closer to Him and for his coaching of Mike in this difficult season. I thanked him for Mike and his obedience and for Jody and her courage to walk away and trust God with the outcome. And I thanked him in advance for the impact they would have on so many people because of their obedience and faith in Him.
As we drove away from their oasis to get my rental car I asked Mike and Jody if they were ready to begin pouring into the couples who were beginning to reconcile because of what the men had learned and implemented in their own lives to change. I shared that I didn’t know exactly how it would happen, but that I trusted God to lead the way. They agreed that God was calling them and said they were ready to watch Him work. I created a coaching account for Jody and gave her my only copy of my book, Pain Drives Change, so that she could begin learning the same things that Mike had learned to change himself in Change YOUniversity.
Thank you Jesus for my pain and how you changed me through it. Thank you for Jace’s pain and how you changed him through it and gave him the conviction from his own change to challenge Mike to join Change YOUniversity. Thank you for Ron’s pain and how he chose to follow you through it. Thank you for Ron coaching Mike to keep his focus on Jesus and let God work on Jody. Thank you for Jody and her courage to walk away from the emotional abuse and get help, and for trusting you with the outcome. Thank you that you are using her experience to bear fruit as the leader of the facility she now leads. Thank you for Mike and his willingness to stop blaming everyone else for the problems in his family but to accept full responsibility. And thank you for how he us using his change to challenge other men who are now challenging other men to do the same. And thank you in advance for the countless families who will be transformed because of Mike and Jody’s miraculous story of redemption and hope.
If you are ready to fight for your family and give your marriage the best chance of surviving, give us a call. We’ve helped dozens of men like you change and save their families for generations!