San Diego Family Trip February 2019

As a young boy I can only remember a few family vacations, and anything I do remember is vague at best. I was younger than 5 and I think we travelled to Disneyland one time when my mom was still married to her 3^rd husband (the same husband that sent her to the emergency room with 20+ stitches in her head). I vaguely recall arguments while driving down highway 101. I remember another trip when we decided to “road trip” down the Oregon coast, but once again I’d prefer not to think about this trip either, all I remember is a drunken binge withy my mom and older siblings, camping in the freezing cold rain.

I did take few vacations when I was older, however. Trips with my foster “dad”, the same man who I talk about in my book. Trips to Disneyworld travelling across the country and a final trip to Texas as he fled Washington State because the police began investigating his behaviors with the boys in his group home. Of course, I didn’t know this at the time, but looking back I can see these “trips” were forms of bribery and manipulation from a sick man with a little boy named Damon.

This trip to Texas would be my last “vacation” with the exception of a weekend trip with my mom as she visited her married boyfriend. The same trip that resulted in my mom drinking her final drink and ending this relationship for good.

Needless to say, my memories of family vacations as a child aren’t the best. As I sit and write this, I struggle to understand why I ultimately decided to make family vacations with my own children such a high priority in my life. I can’t say for sure, but in my blog “Staying at the Show and Tell” I talk about the impact that 1 night away as a family had on our family bonding when Nathan was just a toddler, and in this blog I committed to being intentional about going away as a family. Looking back, this was one of the best decisions Debbie and I made early in our marriage.

I’m writing this blog on the plane flying home after spending the last 7 days with Nathan, Noelle and Debbie. Amanda and Monica couldn’t make this trip. We missed them a lot…the last time we went to San Diego we were all together and had a great time.

What an incredible trip we had. A wise mentor once told me how important it was to “Escape Annually” and recreate or re-create. I needed this vacation and so did my family. Last year was extremely difficult-Debbie’s cancer came back a second time and had a long recovery from her surgery. I’ve been working full-time at Microsoft while also building my coaching business, Change YOUniversity in my “spare-time” (when I’m not sharing leadership responsibilities as the Vice President for Cedar Park Junior Football), attending classes for my Masters in Leadership, or working toward my coaching credentials. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I’m also embroiled in a legal matter that has taken it’s toll.

I was tired and needed to “escape” to gain some perspective on my world and what really matters. Thank you, Jesus, for giving me the conviction to plan this escape months ago and giving me the conviction to disconnect during the week. I needed it, my kids needed it, my marriage needed it….and every other area of my life will be positively impacted because of it.

What made this week so special? It certainly wasn’t the sunny weather in San Diego…there was more rain this week than San Diego “ever gets” according to the locals. It was windy and pretty cold on the other days. Yeah, we had 3 or 4 days of sunny weather and it made up for the rain…but unlike other trips to San Diego, the weather this time wasn’t the best. It certainly wasn’t the tourist attractions (although our 1 day of visiting the San Diego Safari park was awesome…until it started raining around 1:00 making it quite cold…). It wasn’t the easy parking at the airport (we almost missed our flight because all of the parking lots were full), and it wasn’t the short lines getting to our flight (if not for Noelle telling me to leave 15 minutes earlier than I’d planned we would have missed our flight). It wasn’t the boneheaded move of scraping the side of the rental car on the garage that will cost me hundreds of dollars, and it wasn’t the sleeping arrangements for Nathan (on the cold floor with a thin matt).

So, what was it that made this trip so unique and special?

• Perhaps it was the excitement in Nathan and Noelle in the week’s leading up to the trip.
  • Noelle planned everything and packed her clothes nearly a week in advance.
  • Nathan made sure to pack his beloved football
• Perhaps it was the anticipation of waking up at 5:15 a.m. on the day of our flight with the kids waking up excited soon afterward
• Perhaps it was the fish tacos while we waited for our AirBnB to open up
• Or maybe it was watching Noelle jump on the pretty Orange Schwinn bike on the boardwalk trail right after arriving
• Or Nathan pulling out the football and playing catch with me soon afterward
• Maybe it was walking a few hundred yards and watching the kids play in the cold ocean with the sun going down
• Or snuggling in our AirBnB watching dumb shows after shopping and buying Oreo cookies and Ribeye steaks
• Maybe it was waking up to my wife sitting peacefully on the stairs drinking her coffee
• Perhaps it was getting up and running on the boardwalk around Mission Bay and coming back to my kids and wife relaxing and enjoying the sun as it shone through the window
• Maybe it was sitting in the sun on the deck of the Olive Café many mornings enjoying incredible food and incredible company
• It could have been the laughter and smile on Noelle’s face after our adventure of riding bikes home on the boardwalk as the ocean wind drenched us on our bikes as we pedaled back to get warm
• Or playing catch with Nathan a few minutes later in the cold windy rain with him yelling “This is awesome”
• Maybe it was the freedom of jumping on the Lime scooter and silently cruising 15 mph around the boardwalk and along the beach, looking for every excuse I could to do it again
  • Thank God for these electric scooters making it a lot faster to get to the bathroom after drinking too much coffee and water!
• Or laying on the beach, digging a deep hole in the sand getting sunburned because we were too foolish to wear sunscreen…just look at the pictures and our red noses!
• Maybe it was the ribeye steaks that tasted like charcoal because of the flames on the barbecue going out of control
• Or maybe it was the lobster tacos at “World Famous” (wow…they were good
• Or the smoothies and vanilla blended coffee at the eclectic Better Buzz Coffee house filled with Millenials
• Perhaps it was kayaking on the bay with Noelle
• Or sloshing through the mud and grass with them both
• Maybe it was snuggling with my wife watching “The Profit”
• Or enjoying a margarita and a beer with my beautiful wife, dreaming together at the Guava Beach Cafe’ right across the street from our AirBnB
• Or cruising with her down the boardwalk on those awesome Lime scooters (until she almost wiped out because the brake didn’t work for her)
• Perhaps it was convincing Noelle (ask she kicked and screamed) to put on the wetsuit to stay warm as we boogy boarded in the cold ocean…only to have her say “Thank you, Daddy for talking me into this. I’m having so much fun I don’t want to stop”
• Maybe it was running in the morning with Nathan riding his rented bike on the boardwalk
• Or sitting in the sun outside our AirBnB playing volleyball, football and trying to fly a kite
• Perhaps it was the delicious Avocado toast and coffee with my wife for a few minutes of alone time, making a decision to be more intentional about our relationship on a daily basis
• Or the very long walk that Noelle and I took from the car rental place to downtown because we didn’t want to sit in the airport for 4 hours

Or perhaps it was none of this and all of this. Perhaps what made this trip so special was just spending time and being fully engaged in the moment with my family, the family I didn’t have as a child but always dreamed of. The family that God gave me and I cherish above all else.

Jesus, I thank you for the pain that you put in my life so many years ago. The pain that ultimately changed me into the man I am today, a man who has devoted his life to being the best man I can possibly be so that my own children will never experience the pain that I did as a child and later as an adult. A man committed to breaking the generational curses that have plagued my own family of origin.