Here’s the truth. If it weren’t for a peer who I felt psychologically safe with as well as the skills I learned as quality manager on Xbox 360….

I might be dead today.

At the very least, my quality of life would be dramatically worse than it is. Read on if you’re interested in the whole story…..

Five years ago, I felt a lump on my neck that turned out to be cancer. I just got the call from my doctor, I’m cancer free, and long term prognosis is very good. I’m virtually free of side effects, an outcome that she tells me is unheard of for this type of cancer. Today, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude as I reflect on how I got here.

Paralyzed with fear, I found myself unable to focus on work, but I also felt guilty about taking any more “sick time” from work. I had a co-worker, Erinn, who I fully trusted. I felt psychologically safe with her, so I walked to her office. The ensuing conversation may have saved my life……

“Do you have a second to talk? I’m struggling, I don’t feel like working and I don’t feel like I’m sick, so I don’t know what to do.” I said as I entered her office.

“Damon, you have cancer, you’re sick! Don’t feel guilty, take the time you need. Use your strengths, research it and figure out how to beat it!”

I quickly felt the stress leave my body, and my fear was quickly replaced with a desire to solve the biggest problem I’d faced in my life. I jumped in my car and drove to the Commons at Microsoft, a comfortable place to research. I grabbed a piece of carrot cake, knowing this might be one of the last times I would enjoy my favorite sweet, and I began researching.

I’ll never forget it. I found a presentation with a “Kaplan Meier” plot for patients experiencing the same type of cancer I had. There were 2 lines on the plot, one line for “known primary source” and another line for “unknown primary source.” I’m betting 99 out of 100 people wouldn’t know how to interpret this statistical plot. But I knew because I’d learned about this plot as the quality manager for Xbox 360.

My heart quickly began racing.

The plot indicated that I had a 50% chance of being dead in 2 years!

However, if they could find the cancer, I’d have a greater than 90% chance of being alive in 5 years!

Pick up a coin and flip it. The odds of it being “heads” were the same odds of me being alive today. This plot shows the 2 lines (I overlaid the explanations to simplify interpretation).

I vowed to never share this data with my wife or family, knowing the fear it would induce.

As dug further, I discovered TORS (Trans Oral Robotic Surgery). This relatively unheard of technique was very successful at finding Cancer of Unknown Primary source.

The raw data was at the end of the article. I went back to work and imported the raw data into Power BI and within an hour built a report that convicted me that my situation wasn’t as dire as I thought. The report revealed that 72.3% of the time TORS discovered the source of cancer! Furthermore, it indicated that 50% of the time the source was at the base of the tongue, an area that only TORS could locate and remove. The report showed that 89% of the population in the study were males, and the median age was 56. I was 52 and literally the identical characteristics of the candidates in the study! Finally, the median tumor size was .9 cm (a little more than ¼”)! No wonder the blind biopsy done during my original surgery didn’t locate anything!

My skills in building Power BI reports and analyzing data brought me incredible hope.

I wasn’t going to die in 2 years. I was going to research TORS, have the surgery, find the cancer and remove it!

A closer look at the data revealed that the University of Washington had more than twice the patients in the study! UW was literally 20 minutes from my house!!

My visit to the radiation oncologist didn’t go as well as expected. She wasn’t as versed in the studies and data that I’d discovered, and recommended we proceed with the previously prescribed radiation treatment.

I was livid. I told her I’d seen the data. My chances of survival were 50% in 2 years, and I wasn’t ok with that. She indicated that the odds were significantly better for me than that. When I asked her for the source of her data she couldn’t recall.

“With all due respect, I need to pursue this path. Can you please refer me to the University of Washington Head and Neck Cancer Center” I requested.

2 minutes later she returned with a referral, but warned me that they were busy and it might be weeks before I heard back. Those weeks might result in the cancer growing and she wanted to make sure I was sure.

“I’m 100% sure I want to go see them” I said.

I went home and anxiously awaited the call. It didn’t come. So, I did what I’d learned to do so many times in my career. I located the phone number for the UW and I called! My first call was a dead end. They had no records of my referral.

I took a different tactic on my second call. “Can you please put me through to Dr. H’s office?” I’d researched TORS at the UW and discovered that Dr. H was the resident expert.

“Here’s the number Mr. Stoddard” they said.

“Thank you, you might have saved my life” I responded.

The next morning, I heard back from Dr. H’s assistant. There were no appointments for weeks. I didn’t give up. I shared the research I’d done, and I shared how I’d identified Dr. H.

“Just a moment, Mr. Stoddard” his assistant said.

A few minutes later she said “Dr. H. has tumor board this afternoon. He’d like to see your case.”

“WAHOO!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!” I said.

“We’ll call you after tumor board. Let’s schedule an appointment a few weeks out” she said.

I was a bit disheartened that I’d have to wait to talk to Dr. H., but I was elated at the opportunity.

The next morning my phone rang. “Mr. Stoddard, we’ve had a cancellation. How quickly can you be here?”

“I’ll be there in 30 minutes” I excitedly said, my heart racing out of my chest.

An hour later I was talking to one of the pioneers of Trans Oral Robotic Surgery, Dr. H. He shared that I had a 50/50 chance of finding the tumor in my tongue and that there would be almost no long term side effects. But if they found it, my long term prognosis would be very very good, and I wouldn’t experience many of the major side effects.

“Let’s do it” I said.

2 weeks later as I entered the operating room I confidently boasted

You are going to find the cancer in my tongue and you are going to remove it!

I was right. They found the cancer, just a few millimeters from the needle biopsy, and they removed the margins! I was cancer free!!!

I shared the news later that day in a Facebook Live video.

But my story wasn’t over…

I re-learned another valuable lesson, the same lesson I’d learned years earlier as the quality manager for Xbox. We’d spent months pulling the data together trying to understand what was driving the 3 red light failures, but weren’t any closer. I had a few friends at SAS, including the founder and president of JMP, the statistical software that I used for most of my career to understand and solve significant problems. I was giving a keynote address at one of their conferences and decided to take an extra day to fly up to their headquarters to get their help on how to statistically analyze the data from the Xbox red light failures.

“That’s easy. Dr. Meeker, the world’s best in reliability, talks about this in his book. He recommends using Kaplan-Meier. We have this built into the JMP software, let me show you how to use it.” Brad said in his office.

A few short hours later I was on a plane, analyzing the failure data using this technique. Over the coming weeks we uncovered incredible insights and quickly improved the quality problems.

All because I asked for help from one of the best in the world….

I originally wanted to do my radiation treatment close to home to avoid the extra 20-minute commute. After talking with the radiation oncologist, however, I quickly changed my mind. She wasn’t going to change her protocol for treatment even though they’d identified and removed the cancer. I would lose my taste buds, my saliva, and would only recover about 70%. I’d no longer taste sweets, I’d struggle with dry mouth, and I’d have to take extra care of my teeth to avoid any potential of potentially life threatening cavities.

I was livid. It made no sense. The cancer that was once unknown but now removed didn’t change my treatment at all?

I respectfully declined her treatment plan and returned to the UW to be treated by one of the nation’s best, Dr. P.

My radiation treatment would be significantly less severe than if they hadn’t discovered and removed the cancer. The treatment would be very painful, but the UW dropout rate was <5% versus nearly 30% for non-University programs. I would lose my sense of taste for a short period of time, but a few months later I’d be at 90%, with only a slight degradation in my ability to taste sweets. My chances of survival were significantly better than 90% because they’d found and removed the cancer.

When I asked what his recommendation might have been if they hadn’t found the cancer, he said they would have had to dramatically increase the radiation dose and my quality of life would have been dramatically worse.

My wife and I were elated. We made a fact-based decision and chose the expert for my radiation treatment.

I was warned, the next 6 weeks would be very difficult.

I went to the UW every weekday for the next 6 weeks. My head was strapped to the table, and my head and neck were radiated to kill any residual cancer cells.

The promise of great pain never came to pass. I continued riding my bike almost every day, believing that the extreme exercise brought life giving blood to the areas the radiation was killing.

I decided to celebrate my last day of radiation treatment by riding my bike 15 miles from my house in Woodinville to the UW. I arrived at the UW on my bike, tears flowing down my face. Not only had I beaten cancer, but I was healthy and strong. Dr. H. saw me and said he’d never seen a patient fare as well as I had through radiation treatment.

That was almost 5 years ago. I’m still cancer free, and my quality of life is almost the same as before cancer. I’m filled with gratitude and left to wonder:

Where would I be if:

• I didn’t have a co-worker I felt psychologically safe with when I was trapped in fear?

• I hadn’t decided to own my own treatment?

• I hadn’t learned the power of data driven decisions years ago as quality manager of Xbox 360, after a co-worker saw my passion for data and problem solving?

• I hadn’t taken a growth mindset when I feared the worst from cancer and began researching options?

• I hadn’t intentionally built my professional network to include world experts in statistics?

• I didn’t know how to interpret p values on Kaplan Meier plots, learned while being a member of a team of brilliant co-workers at Microsoft?

• I hadn’t taken the time to learn Power BI, then applied those skills for an extra hour to build that Power BI report that revealed my path to recovery?

• I hadn’t continued to reference the data, giving me the credibility and confidence to challenge the doctors and ultimately leading me to the best possible treatment at UW?

• I didn’t have a manager that cared about me as a person and didn’t let me return to work full-time, even though I felt fine physically?

I might be dead

Sometimes we get so caught up in the busyness of email, chats, meetings, and our computer screen that we forget how important it is to stop, reflect, and be grateful for everything we have.

I’m not dead. I’m alive because of psychological safety and the skills I learned on Xbox 360

I want to challenge you to take some time in the next few days and reflect on what you are grateful for. I promise you it will have a profoundly positive impact on your own well-being in a time that it is desperately needed.

It all started with psychological safety. I had a co-worker I felt safe talking to when I was trapped in fear. How about you? Do you have any co-workers you feel psychologically safe with? Would you be psychologically safe if someone came to you with a similar issue?